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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sleep, please.

Last night Mira went to bed an hour early, but then she was up every hour between 9pm and 1am. And then Brian's alarm woke her up at 6:30am. So I'm running on 5 hours of sleep here, which is why this post could end up sounding a little frantic. But jeez louise how I would love to sleep. If last night was a one-time thing, then I'm sure I'd be fine. But she's been waking up at least 3 times every night for the past few weeks. It all started around the time when she had a bad case of diarrhea. And I could understand why she was up several times a night when her bowels were upsetting her. But now she's way over that, and still she continues to have a hard time sleeping longer than 3 hours at a stretch. I'm so tired and so frustrated. I feel like I don't have the energy to do things with her during the day like I used to so she's getting bored during the day which makes her fussy in general and then I get so frustrated with her that I don't even want to pick her up to comfort her anymore. But somehow I make myself do it. And then I feel like a terrible mother for not immediately catering to her desires and for not thinking that her little smiles are as cute as I used to because it would all be cuter if my eyes weren't glazing over with exhaustion and for not taking her out and showing her the world because maybe just maybe she'll take a nap longer than 30 minutes today so I should stay close to home where we can rest and then she doesn't take a nap and then I feel like maybe if I'd just taken her out it would tire her to the point where she would have napped but it's too late in the day for that now and I'm just going to have to stick it out till bed time but then she doesn't sleep then either and then I'm so tired that I write sentences that are miles long.

I just have to remind myself that there are so many times that she makes me feel like I'm so lucky to be her mom. But when you're this tired, it's hard to remember anything beyond 20 minutes ago...


Marcy said...

I know this doesn't give you any extra energy, but know that there are many, many of us who know EXACTLY how you feel. Know that you are NOT a bad mom for being tired, or for getting frustrated. We're only human, after all.

This stuff is HARD. So many times we'd get Donovan to sleep well through (most of) the night, and then he'd get sick or start teething or we'd travel home, and it's like we'd be starting all over again.

I don't know if this would help, but an online mommy friend of mine was having serious sleep issues with her baby and she came across a book called The Sleepeasy Solution (I think?). It's a completely no-cry method that, from her explanation, is based on the idea of needing to have a long-enough, soothing-enough pre-bedtime and pre-nap routine in order to get baby ready to sleep (and that while it's become part of popular culture to know about bedtime routines, most are not long enough to be truly effective in relaxing baby enough). She said it got her baby sleeping much better within the first few days.

Good luck. I hope you soon get the sleep you both need.

Donna Kinney said...

Oh! So you DO have a normal child! I was strting to think you had a Stepford baby!

I think that one of your thoughts was correct - take her out anyway. You will still be exhausted, just in a different place. And she won't be bored (BOREDOM was our enemy, when you were an infant!) She will be less fussy during the day and MIGHT get tired enough to really sleep.

Rebecca said...

A friend of mine had this theory. That the reason people have more than one child is because sleep depreivation causes memory loss. You forget how difficult times like this could be and only remember the happy/wonderful times. Then *poof* child number two.

Considering how tired you were, I'm surprised you stayed up as late as you did with all of us over.