Working all day in a position where I fight with buggy code, flaky installers, grumpy customers and demanding schedules drains me immeasurably. It beats the life from me, flogs the joy from my world, makes me dream of something, almost anything else. Suggestions I have for improving things are, not ignored so much as set aside. This leaves me not only drained, but dispirited, sad and bordering upon depression.
And then I come home! The clouds break apart and the fugue that clouds my judgement of people, the world and the goodwill of men begins to fragment and dissolve. All from the simplest of things... the smile of my daughter, the relief in the eyes (and mildly hysterical voice) of my wife, and the crowding flurry of fuzzy animals at my feet - all full of joy to see me.
It makes me a Man; It makes me glad to be alive; My heart grows three sizes.
So I step up my game. I try to shake the depression, anger and frustration of my day to day; leaving it behind me as I move through the doorway and into my other life.
I play with the baby though what I want is a nap and find that it's almost as refreshing... if not as restful.
I make dinner if Laura is unable or unwilling, though she usually has a quick meal ready to rumble. I'll do whatever it takes to try and help Laura get through a relaxing evening.
But 'Me time'... wow I miss that. And that is the hardest thing to adjust to. I am one of those people who need to retreat from the world, from people, from everything and immerse myself in a book, walk in the woods, do *something* to get some alone time. Pre-baby I did it in the evenings, occasionally missing a bit of sleep to get it. Now, I can only get it late at night; and even then it's not 'total' because I have to sneak around while the rest of the house (lightly) sleeps.
So, I steal some hours from the night - Insomnia sets in as my brain DEMANDS alone time. As a result I am now more addicted to those three cups of coffee every morning than I have ever been...
So, Exaustion + Joy = Daddy (with Coffee Stains)