Mira is an awesome big sister.

Mira loves Ellowyn.  I've been so impressed with Mira and her willingness to not only accept Ellowyn into our family, but to show compassion and caring for her new little sister.

The first time Mira saw Ellowyn, we were still at the birth center.  And while Mira was completely enraptured by Ellowyn, I don't think she really understood that she was ours.  The second time Mira saw Ellowyn, it was at home and the first thing Mira did was to walk up to the baby, hold out her arms, and say "Hold."  (She wanted to hold the baby.)  So we put her up on the sofa, and with Brian helping provide support, we put Ellowyn in Mira's lap.  Mira watched Ellowyn, studied her, and then gently leaned down, wrapped her arms around her and gave her the sweetest little hug.  Then Mira put her hand to her mouth, kissed it, and then put it up to Ellowyn's mouth, "blowing" Ellowyn a kiss.  It was enough to bring tears to a hormonal mommy's eyes.

Mira loves to do all kinds of things with Ellowyn.  She likes to help change her diaper; I think she finds it fascinating to see all of Ellowyn's little body parts: her feet, her belly, etc...  She'll bring me the diaper supplies, watch me change her and point out Ellowyn's body parts, and when we're done she'll throw the dirty diaper away for me.  She likes to watch while I nurse Ellowyn, getting up in my lap for a closer look at what's going on.  And she talks about it: "baby eat mommy's milk" (although she still pronounces "milk" like "nupk").  She likes to take off Ellowyn's hat and brush her hair, and I actually feel comfortable letting her because she is soooo gentle.  And one time, she decided that she wanted to read a book to Ellowyn.  Here are some pics from that.

I've been really impressed by how well Mira is taking it: having to share Mommy.  Maybe it's because Brian is home from work and is able to give Mira a lot of attention right now.  But at least so far, Mira seems to be fine with the idea that Mommy has to spend a majority of her time holding the baby.  I have been trying to preemptively give Mira extra attention in order to prevent any jealous feelings on Mira's part.  When Mira comes home or enters the room, I greet her really warmly, offering hugs and asking about what she's been up to.  I talk to her a lot, especially while I'm nursing Ellowyn.  And I put Ellowyn down when at all possible in order to be able to more fully engage with Mira.  And so far, Mira has occasionally shown an immediate need for some Mommy love, but usually seems content to share Mommy with her sister.

I have also been amazed at Mira's compassion and empathy.  The first time Mira heard Ellowyn crying, she looked at me with TEARS in her eyes and said in the saddest little voice "baby cryyyy" and she nearly started crying herself.  Since then, we've talked about the reasons why babies cry and how crying is their only way to communicate.  And now she's less sensitive to it.  Now when the baby cries, she comes to me and says matter-of-factly "baby hungry".

Ellowyn's birth story

Note: This post really focuses on the specifics of my labor and delivery.  If contractions and water breaking and babies crowning is not your cup of tea, then you might just skip this one.

I started having contractions at around 8:30pm on January 11th.  Because of all the pre-labor I'd been experiencing over the last few weeks, I started out trying to just ignore it.  But by about 10pm, I had to acknowledge them, so I let Brian know that I was having some contractions that felt serious and that I'd like to try a bath.  Brian helped me draw a bath and get settled into the tub.  In the water, the contractions were less intense, but their duration and frequency didn't change.  When we timed them, they were about 3-4 minutes apart and took about 50 seconds from the start of the contraction to the peak (about another 30 seconds to come down off the peak).  It seemed like they were coming on fast, but I'd had a recent bout of pre-labor with contractions that were about that spacing, so I wasn't letting myself get my hopes up yet.  But I think Brian could tell by the way I was acting that this was going to be it.  He brought be a drink and a snack to eat in the tub while he got things ready to go.

I got out of the tub at around 11pm and laid down in bed to try to relax.  In pre-labor, relaxation after a bath often caused the contractions to lessen or stop.  But this time they felt more intense.  Brian helped me to relax my body, control my breathing, and coached me into deep relaxation.  As I laid there, I was able to analyze the qualities of the contractions and I realized that these contractions felt different than my pre-labor contractions.  During pre-labor, the contractions were tight and squeezy, like a corset around my middle.  But these felt lower, more downward in direction.  And also they were increasing in intensity and painfulness.  So around 11:30pm, I relented and told Brian he'd better make the calls.  He called my mom to come over and stay with Mira (already in bed for the night), and he called the on-call midwife to let her know that we were in labor but not yet ready to come into the birth center.  The midwife talked to him and me a bit, asked all the normal questions, listened to a few of my contractions, then told me I was coping well with my breathing and relaxation and that I was probably in the middle of active labor.  She told us to call back if the contractions got much stronger and closer, my water broke, or we decided to head into the birth center, whichever came first.

After that, the exact order of things are a little fuzzy for me.  I was having to focus fully on laboring and not much outside of that was getting my attention.  At some point, laying in my relaxation position felt no good anymore, so we moved downstairs so that I could try a sitting/reclining position.  (That's about the time that my mom arrived.)  But I pretty quickly figured out that sitting was ALL WRONG and standing was what I really needed.  Brian would stand in front of me and I'd drape my arms over his shoulders, lean on him and rock side to side.  That seemed to be the best thing.  Brian was great and had my try several different positions to try to save my energy, but nothing worked like the standing and rocking.  Somehow, he managed to be there for me to lean on in my contractions and also get the car packed in the 90 second intervals in between my contractions.  I don't know how he did it, but he must've been busting his butt.

At around 2:30am, my contractions were getting much harder to cope with and my legs were getting tired, so we went back to the bath tub to try to give me a break.  The tub did feel better mostly because I could rest my legs, but the contractions were still way strong and hard.  (In hindsight, I was entering transition.)  But because I was so exhausted, I was actually dozing off in between the contractions.  Brian must've been exhausted too, because he told me that he needed to grab some coffee and that he'd be right back.  He was probably only gone from my side for 10 minutes, but it felt like forever.  Everything was worse without him there.  I couldn't do another second without him and when he got back, I told him so.  "I need help."  "I need drugs."  "It hurts so much." These are some of the things I remember saying to him.  His response: "Time to GO."  (And he called the midwife to meet us at the birth center.)

It took some convincing to get me out of the tub; I didn't want to move because anything seemed to only make it worse.  And when I did move, I needed to do it in between contractions but because they were coming so fast, there was not much time between them in which to get moving.  So it took a while to get from the tub to the car.  But at some point along the way, I remember saying to Brian, "Umm... You're right, we need to GO."  I was feeling rectal pressure as I was moving around and knew that it wouldn't be long before I needed to push.

The car ride was thankfully brief and easy.  Brian drove smoothly and calmly but quickly.  Being 3:30 in the morning, there was no traffic and all the lights turned green for us, so we didn't even need to stop once.  We arrived at the birth center at 3:45am.  The midwife was already there and waiting for us, which was good because things moved REALLY QUICKLY from that point on.

I had one contraction while standing in my room and I told the midwife I was having rectal pressure.  She told me that she needed me to lay in the bed so she could check my cervix.  I laid down on my side (and didn't move from that position until Ellowyn was born, a mere 20 minutes later!)  She checked me and said my waters were still in tact and I was at dilated to 8 centimeters with a "VERY soft cervix".  The very next contraction, I had a strong urge to push.  I tried to fight it, knowing I was only at 8cm, but I couldn't stop myself from pushing just a little.  And as soon as I did that littlest push, I felt my waters break.  At that point my midwife said, "Now that your waters have broken, your contractions will probably get stronger and you'll dilate quickly."  All I heard was "contractions get stronger" and I got scared, so scared.  I couldn't DO any more.  I was at my limit already.  It couldn't get stronger.  And I remember saying, "No no no" and gripping desperately for Brian, who was sitting on the bed in front of me as I laid on my side.  And  just then came my next contraction and it was STRONGER and I NEEDED to get the baby out NOW.  But I still didn't think I could push.  And I was scared and it hurt and so I SCREAMED.  One scream.  That was all.  Because then that contraction ended and my midwife said "You may have just finished dilating in one contraction.  Let me check again."  Sure enough she said I could push on the next one.  I think that scream caught Brian off guard and I think that was the first time that he felt at a loss as a labor coach.  But luckily the midwife was with us now and she reminded him to coach me to put my chin on my chest and groan when pushing instead of letting me scream.

And with the next contraction we pushed.  Brian held my top leg up with one hand, held my hand with the other.  I squeezed his hand and his shoulder and he was my rock.  I needed him.  I needed him badly.  Because I WAS HAVING A BABY.  And I was FEELING EVERYTHING.  And it was hard and it hurt and it burned and it couldn't be over fast enough.  And Brian coached me to push and breathe and groan.  And did I ever groan.  I groaned so much my throat hurt afterwards.  And in two contractions her head was crowning.  And there's a reason they call that the "ring of fire", folks.  And then two more contractions and her head was out.  I expected it to feel better at that point, but it only seemed to increase the urgency in me to GET THIS BABY OUT.  So then the midwife said that the shoulders were in good alignment and on the next contraction I could push the rest of her out.  Well, good because I was going to push her out anyway, one way or another.  And then that next contraction came and I pushed so hard because I was DONE with this now, thank you anyway.  And out she came with a gush and a huge rush of relief.

We had arrived at the birth center at 3:45am and, just a handful of contractions later, Ellowyn was born at 4:16am.  Brian timed that rather well, I'd say.

Everything after that was cake.  Delivering the placenta, getting stitched up (I had a small tear as her shoulders came through), the rest of the contractions as my uterus shrunk.... all of that was nothing.  I had my baby.  I had FOUGHT for that baby and now I had her.  It was hard.  So hard.  Mira's birth was nearly 3x longer, but not nearly as difficult.  After Mira's birth, I almost felt like I cheated because the epidural removed me so much from the experience.  But not this time.  I EARNED every inch of that baby.

Ellowyn was born a healthy 8 pounds and 14 ounces (75th percentile), 21 inches long (90th percentile!!).

Welcome Ellowyn

At 4:16am today, after the most physically challenging 8 hours of my life, Ellowyn was born, safe and happy, into the loving arms of her exhausted, but healthy parents.  Her birth story will follow in a few days.

A child of the 21st century

Daddy teaches Mira the joys of smart phones.

Christmas 2010

Since my midwife advised me against travel, we spent Christmas in Austin this year.  I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to see my extended family in Dallas, but it turned out to be a pretty great holiday anyway.

Christmas Eve, we had my mom, dad and sister over for dinner.  After Mira was asleep, they helped Brian set up her gift from "Santa" (aka Grandma and Grandpa): a new play kitchen, complete with dishes and food!  On Christmas morning, they came back over before Mira woke up and everyone got to see her reaction:

We ate breakfast then finished opening the rest of our gifts.  I got a Fushigi (I call it the "David Bowie Ball", from his trick in "Labyrinth") and some more baby gear that I really needed, including my double stroller.  Brian got some great new shirts and a really nice carry-on luggage piece for when he starts having to travel for his job.  And Mira got some super cute boots from my sister, which she promptly decided were meant for dancing.  But obviously, even super cute boots could not distract her from her awesome kitchen for long:

We spent the afternoon/evening of Christmas day with Brian's family.  Mira got a little pony, a stuffed rabbit, and some sidewalk chalk from her aunts.  And Brian's dad gave us a really great video monitor, which we have loved using to watch Mira go to sleep (we intend to use it to help us determine when she's starting to try to climb out of her crib and when we need to transition to a toddler bed).

A couple days later, my grandparents came in from Dallas and we had a nice visit with them.  They got Mira a baby nursery set, with a swing, a highchair, a crib, and a stroller for her very own baby.  Now Mira can do with her baby all the things that Mommy does with baby Ellowyn.  Here she is "helping" Daddy with the assembly. 

Pushing her baby in the swing.

Feeding her baby.

And best of all, Ellowyn decided to stay put in my belly through the end of the year.  Now that the holidays are over, we're ready to welcome 2011 with a beautiful new addition to our little family.  Any day!

Update on Kronk.

Kronk is recovering from his surgery nicely now.  When his pain patch wore off, we went through a rough period where his pain was not well managed and he stopped eating again.  But we got that taken care of pretty quickly with some oral pain pills and he started feeding himself again, so we were able to stop force-feeding him.  Once he was feeding himself, then we could also just hide his pills in some food instead of having to forcefully pill him by shoving them down his throat.  Which was good because he was really starting to resist that approach.  Shortly after he decided to eat on his own, he picked up dramatically.  He was even feeling well enough to try to rip out his stitches, so he had to wear one of those silly collars for a couple of days until his stitches were ready to be removed, which the vet did yesterday.  We've been able to back off of the pain meds almost completely, too.  Now he seems to be back to his normal happy self.  Maybe happier, even, since we're pampering him food-wise and feeding him canned food instead of his normal dry food.  So short-term, he's much better.  Which is great.

After consulting with a couple of oncologists, my vet was able to talk to me today about Kronk's long-term prognosis.  His cancer is a stage 4 leiomyosarcoma, originating from the secum of the intestine.  The "stage 4" means that it was very advanced, having spread to other organs; this is the most advanced stage of cancer rankings.  So that means that his prognosis is rather poor.  The specialists are giving him 6-9 months.

The two options for further treatment are both risky and expensive: chemotherapy or another surgery.  The chemo is hit-or-miss and will make him feel nauseated, which will have to be controlled with anti-nausea medication, and will require vet trips 3 times a week to monitor dose levels, and may not even target his cancer well.  Even if it does target his cancer, it would likely only buy him another year, max.  And more surgery would be very hard on his body, recovery-wise.  And even then, it's likely that because the cancer was so spread through his body, subsequent tumors would not be easily removed.  So we've decided not to treat him further.  And when I expressed that to my vet, she said that she thought that was the right choice, which I greatly appreciated hearing from her.

So basically all that is left to do is to watch him for signs of recurrence.  Since his cancer is one of the GI tract, the most likely signs that it is growing back are reluctance to eat, weight loss, vomiting and dehydration.  We'll monitor him closely for those things.  Also, we will be watching for reluctance to move or signs of pain.  To that end, the vet wants to see him once a month until he's gone, just to help us watch for early warning signs and make sure he's not suffering as he reaches the end of his life.  Until that point, we'll just make him as comfortable and happy as possible so that he can enjoy what time he has left.

Once I was told his tumor was cancerous, I had a feeling that this would be the prognosis, so I've actually had some time to accept it.  And I'm ok with it now.  I'll get to have a few months to say goodbye to my boy, and that's something most pet owners don't get.  We'll be able to really pamper him before he goes, and then we'll be able to confidently say that he knew he was well loved.  And if he has to leave us, then that's the way I'd want it to be.  So I guess we're lucky in that respect.

Pregnancy update - 38 weeks (and 5 days)

Well, still no baby.  I'm now 38 weeks and 5 days.  I gave birth to Mira at 38 weeks and 6 days, so maybe tomorrow will be the day.  I'm in a better place now emotionally and am feeling ready to have a baby again.  At my last pre-natal appointment (yesterday) everything was looking good.  My weight is good (gaining about a pound a week for the last couple weeks, total weight gain for the pregnancy is now up to 9 pounds).  My blood pressure is back down.  We actually opted not to do a pelvic exam, since we didn't feel that one was merited.  The state of your cervix has very little to do with when you'll go into labor, so we didn't feel like it was important to know at this point.

On Monday I had another bout of serious pre-labor.  I was having intense, painful contractions every 3-4 minutes for over 7 hours.  There were a couple hours in there where I really thought, "Ok, this is going to be it."  But then it stopped again.  I'm finding the starting and stopping to be very tiresome, especially since it usually interferes with sleep.  I wish my body would just decide to go or not go.

Also, now that my labor is imminent, I'm finding that I'm getting nervous about it.  In my first labor, I ended up requesting an epidural right about the time that I entered transition (the hardest part of labor, just before pushing).  So I didn't really fully experience much of transition or any of the pushing phase.  And since I've chosen a birth center for my delivery, an epidural will not be an option this time.  I've also been utterly exhausted lately, which I don't remember feeling at the end of my last pregnancy.  So what if it's harder than I expect?  What if I'm too tired?  What if I'm not strong enough?  What if it's too painful?

I expressed these concerns to Brian and, wonderful supportive labor coach that he is, he reassured me.  He reminded me that, while I may not be able to bench press impressive amounts of weight, I have tons of endurance and super high tolerance of pain, both of which are more important in labor.  He told me that my body was built for this and that he had complete confidence in my ability.  And we're much better prepared for labor this time than last.

I'm so lucky to have Brian to tell me these things and to help me through the rough patches.  He's going to be great in labor too, I know it.  I'm sure that, after the baby has come, I'll be saying that the one person who I couldn't have done it without will be not a doctor or a nurse or a midwife, but my loving, protective, supportive husband.  What a wonderful way to welcome our new baby!

I love my crappy dog.

Monday morning, Kronk was fine. He ate his breakfast, was playing with Anna, and barked at the neighbor’s dog. But that night we went out to dinner and when we got back home, Kronk was most definitely not fine. He was obviously in a lot of pain, wouldn’t eat or even walk. Because things had gone downhill so quickly for him, we decided to take him in to the emergency vet clinic. Tests done there revealed a mass in his abdomen. The vet told me that it could be a cancerous tumor, a benign tumor, or a mass of cells caused by a perforated intestine. We wouldn’t know which until she could perform an exploratory surgery.

I decided to go ahead with the surgery because in two of those three possible scenarios, full recovery was likely after the mass had been removed. So Kronk went into surgery at 1:30am on Tuesday morning and wasn’t out until after 5am. The surgery was long and complicated.

There were actually 3 masses that they removed. The masses were not touching and didn’t look uniform, so they weren’t sure what they were, but there were two smaller ones and one large one. The big one was the trouble-maker, a tumor 3 inches in diameter. It had grown into a section of the intestine and a corner of the pancreas. To remove the tumor, the vet had to cut away part of the intestine and part of the pancreas, then resect the intestine to repair it. Kronk had to spend a couple days in ICU because of the severity of the surgery.

Kronk came home from ICU two nights ago and for now he is doing fine. He is continuing to recover at home. His pain is well managed, and though he’s reluctant to eat, he will swallow food when it’s force-fed via syringe. But his energy is coming up, he’s responding well, and we have confidence that soon he’ll be back to feeding himself.

Samples from all 3 of Kronk’s masses were sent for analysis by a pathologist. We were all hoping to hear that the tumor was benign, because that might mean a full recovery for Kronk. However, that was not the case. All 3 masses were related, 3 tumors from the same cancer: a leiomyosarcoma. The vet is going to consult with some oncologists and then get back to me about Kronk’s long term prognosis. His cancer is likely to recur, we just don’t know when or how. Hopefully, the vet will give us some idea of what to watch him for and how to know when it’s his time.

We’ve pretty much decided that we’re not going to do any more treatments. The two main possibilities are 1) chemotherapy very soon or 2) another surgery when the cancer grows back. We feel like, in either case, it’d just be putting Kronk through more sickness/pain than it’s worth. Putting a dog through chemotherapy seems questionable to me, and sarcoma has a reputation for not responding well to chemo, anyway. And more surgery would just be more than Kronk’s old body could take, I fear. So we’re trying our best to accept what will likely be inevitable. Hopefully, we’ve bought Kronk a decent amount of time, but really time will only tell.

This whole process has been a huge drain on me, both emotionally and physically. Physically, there are vet visits every day, sometimes twice a day, I have to help him and coax him when I need him to move around, I have to pill him and force feed him three times a day, and between the middle-of-the-night care and the worrying constantly going on in my head, I’m sleeping terribly. Emotionally, there’s the obvious struggle of knowing you’re slowly losing your dog. And I know, he’s just a dog, but I love him a lot, even though he’s just a crappy dog who doesn’t get along with other dogs and howls at kites and rolls in dead things. He’s also the dog who I trained to lay on my feet to keep them warm and who protects me when he perceives danger and who loves nothing more in the world than for me to hug him tight around his neck. Who wouldn’t love a crappy dog like that? But the other emotionally difficult thing about this has been that I’m second guessing every decision that I’ve made. Knowing now that he has a cancerous sarcoma, I wish that I’d not put him through the surgery. If we’d known then what we know now, I’d have had him euthanized that first night. How long will he have? How much pain will he be in? When the cancer comes back, how bad will that be for him? I just don’t feel like I’ve made the right choices for him and it hurts me to know that.

And on top of all this, there’s the constant threat of labor. I’m to the point of begging Ellowyn to stay in: I’ll walk around pleading to my belly, “Just one more week, ok? I just need you to stay in there for one more week.” Because hopefully by then Kronk will be better and I can’t fathom having to do all this care for Kronk and also have Mira AND ALSO have a newborn. Not to mention during labor. Kronk needs attention every two hours right now. Who will care for him if I go into labor right now? And then once we get home, will I be stuck in a perpetual rut of taking turns between caring for the baby and caring for the dog? And where does Mira come in to that? And it’s terrible that now the imminent arrival of my baby, something that should be exciting and that I should be overjoyed about and that I should be anxiously looking forward to, now that’s all turned into some lurking impending doom and just that fact makes my heart hurt a little more.

I guess you could say this has been a rough week for me. I hope you were all prepared to hear me pour my heart out.

Pregnancy update - 37 weeks

Well, the pre-labor is going on and off and on.  Nothing as intense as that first night, where the contractions were coming on at least every 10 minutes for over 12 hours, but still having contractions pretty frequently, though they're also not as painful intense.  They'll start up, usually when I'm walking around, go every 8 minutes or so for maybe an hour, and then quit again.  I saw my midwife again on Tuesday (I'm going weekly now), and after a pelvic exam, she told me that I was still dilated to 1cm, as I was last week before all the pre-labor.  But now my cervix has moved around from a posterior position (where the cervix exists normally in most non-laboring women) to a more front-and-center position, the position needed for labor.  Also, Ellowyn's head is down low, at a -2 station now.  So all those contractions are moving things around, getting things lined up, softening the cervix, and bringing the baby into position.  So really, this could happen any day.  And now that I'm "full-term" at 37 weeks, I'd be comfortable delivering any time.  So now for the waiting...

Pregnancy update - 36 weeks (also, I talk too much)

My last pregnancy update was at 34 weeks, and I’ve actually had 2 prenatal appointments since then. And a lot has been going on with my body. Changes are definitely happening and I feel my body working up to labor.

Starting around the end of week 34, my Braxton-Hicks  contractions really amped up the volume. They were really strong, very uncomfortable, and mildly crampy. I also started having them very frequently, several times in an hour. It was a few days after that, I was in the beginning of my 35th week, when I started having what I can only describe as sharp, popping pain... down there. These pains started worrying me because I remember having something similar a couple hours before going into labor with Mira. So I went ahead and scheduled an impromptu appointment with one of my midwives.

After the routine checks and a pelvic exam, the midwife informed me that my uterus was “stressed”, her words. It’s normal for women to have BH contractions, but not with the intensity and frequency that I was experiencing. (I had several during the appointment, so she got to witness them first hand.) And the sharp pains that I was having, she called “cervical twinges”. She said it was basically the cervix starting to loosen up, and could feel quite sharp and painful. The pelvic exam revealed that, at that time, I was not yet starting to dilate, but my cervix was softening in preparation for labor. Of course, that can happen minutes before labor or weeks before labor, but either way that’s what was causing my discomfort. She said that she didn’t see any signs that I was going into labor immediately though, so she sent me home with directions to get as much rest as possible, drink lots of water, take hot baths often, and come back in 1 week.

Well, de-stressing a uterus is not an easy thing when there’s a toddler involved but luckily I have family and friends to help me. I’ve had meals prepared for me, several times someone has come and taken Mira for me, and Brian has really stepped up on a lot of the chores that I normally would do. But despite all the help, the BH contractions continued to be pretty frequent and fairly intense. They were uncomfortable enough that if I was walking when I had one then I would have to stop and stand still. And when I had them while driving, I was always very tempted to pull over.

After that week, I went back in yesterday morning for my next checkup. The midwife made sure that the baby was still head down, took a swab to test for GBS, and did a pelvic exam. I had told her that I was planning to travel to Dallas for Christmas this coming weekend and asked her if she saw anything to indicate that I should do otherwise. Essentially, her response was that I should stay home, though she didn’t say it quite that directly. My blood pressure was slightly elevated above my normal (though still in a healthy range), probably from holiday stress. And in the past week I had dilated to 1 cm, probably as a result of all the BH contractions. The midwife told me that she would advise me to do whatever I could to make this holiday a restful one... which sounded a whole lot to me like “Don’t go to Dallas.”

So that was yesterday and I went about making all the calls and cancellations so that we could stay in Austin for the holidays. And it’s looking like it’s a good thing that I did...

Because last night my body decided to give this whole labor thing a test drive.

I started having contractions that felt a whole lot more like actual labor contractions, starting at about 4:30pm yesterday. They were very crampy and much stronger than the BH I was having, and while they didn’t seem to have a steady rhythm, they were coming on about every 5-10 minutes. I called Brian and let him know what was going on, but that I wasn’t sure it was labor, and we decided that he would finish out his work day and then come home. So Mira and I sat down in front of Sesame Street and I relaxed and drank water while Mira was entranced by puppets. By the time Brian got home, the contractions were still going and becoming more intense, but still no steady rhythm. So we ate dinner and I called my mom to give her an early warning that we might maybe possibly be starting labor or maybe it was nothing. She said she’d go ahead and come get Mira to spend the night at her house just in case it was labor and I needed to go to the birth center in the middle of the night. Which was great because it really let Brian and I focus on what was going on with me, and on getting ready in case it was the real deal. (I had so convinced myself that the baby wouldn’t come till after Christmas that I didn’t have a bag packed for the labor yet or even have the baby’s carseat installed in the car.) So while I was taking a bath, Brian packed a bag and got the car ready. I was still having contractions at least every 10 minutes, sometimes they’d come much faster (every 3 minutes) and sometimes they’d slow way down again. Brian took great care of me the whole evening. At about midnight, we decided that we’d both try to sleep. I was still having frequent contractions, but they were feeling milder now, so I was hopeful that I’d be able to sleep through them. And I did... some. I slept for one 2-hour stretch and then for little 30-minute snoozes for the rest of the night. Brian slept a little better because we agreed that he should sleep in a different room so that I wouldn’t disturb him unless I needed to. But by this morning, the contractions had pretty much stopped... when I was sitting or laying still. The minute I would get up onto my feet they would start up again and walking would lead to basically one continuous contraction that just came in waves, with no defined start or stop, just an ebbing and flowing.

So that’s where I am right now. Brian has decided to work from home today so that he can be close to me and help me when I need it. Mom brought Mira back home for her nap, but can take her back at a moment’s notice, since she’s off work till after Christmas. I’ve given up on actually being in real labor for right now (though I was never convinced that all those contractions were labor, since they never became steady and organized). And still now, if I’m sitting or laying, the contractions go away, but if I stand or walk they come on immediately and pretty strong. So we’re sort of in a play-it-by-ear situation.

The good news is that, being 36 weeks along, my midwives could deliver me at the birth center now. (Any earlier than 36 weeks and I would have had to go to the hospital because of the risks associated with babies born prematurely.) But still, I hope that Ellowyn manages to stay put a little bit longer. Mostly because the closer I am to full term when she is born, the healthier she is likely to be. But also because we didn’t really plan to have a newborn at Christmas, and I’m not sure how it would effect our celebration plans. Do I really want to take a days-old baby to a huge gathering of people? I dunno...  We'll cross that bridge if we get there.