Ellowyn's 2-month checkup

Ellowyn's doing great!  Turns out she's a slow grower, like Mira.  She's not gaining weight fast enough to keep up with the trend, so she's slipping down the weight charts.  The same thing happened to Mira (Mira started at 60th percentile when she was born and now that she's 2 years old she's down to 7th percentile).  But since Ellowyn started out on the bigger side and she's still gaining weight, we're not worried about it.  Ellowyn was at I think 80th percentile for weight when she was born and now she's down to 50th.  

But she continues to get taller, so she's still up at 85th percentile for length.  She's a tall girl!

And her head seems to be growing faster than the rest of her body because it's up from 90th percentile to 95th percentile for head circumference.  She has an even bigger noggin than Mira did (Mira's was only ever as big as 80th percentile)!  

Ellowyn got her first round of vaccines at this checkup.  She took them really well.  She cried at the time, but calmed right down when I nursed her afterward.  And then the rest of the day, she just seemed a little sleepier than normal.  I remember some of those early vaccinations really making Mira temperamental, but not so much for Ellowyn.  She's such a happy easy baby.  

Ellowyn is still on Zantac, and her reflux is well controlled by it.  When I told the pediatrician how well Ellowyn was doing on the Zantac, he said that we could consider raising her dose, since she's getting bigger, but as long as the lower dose keeps working, we'll just keep her at her same dose.  But if at any time I feel like it's losing its effectiveness, he told me how much I could up her to.  

Other than that, nothing really to report.  She's doing great, growing slowly but well, a healthy happy girl.  

She's still sleeping really well, although she does sometimes have difficulty getting down to sleep... hopefully that will work itself out as she gets older; I really dislike doing sleep training, I just find it so frustrating.  

An interesting observation that I've made... Ellowyn's eyes are still blue.  Looking back at Mira's baby pictures, I've realized that Mira's eyes had already turned brown by this age.  So maybe Ellowyn's eyes will be blue or green or hazel... or maybe they're just taking their time about turning brown.  I guess we'll see in time.  

Like her big sister, Ellowyn has now completely rejected bottles.  Probably it's something we're doing as parents.  Or maybe it's just that my boobs are THAT GREAT.  But either way, we seem to have no luck in the bottle department.  She just cries the entire time and won't latch on.  We've tried different nipples, different bottles, different people, different locations, different times of day... no love.  So we're giving up on it.  We could probably come to an understanding if we pushed the issue, but it's just not worth it for us.  That does mean that I'll be tied to my baby again like I was with Mira, unable to be apart from her for any substantial length of time, but honestly I got pretty used to that with Mira, so it's a bit of a drag for me, but not terrible.  Someday I'll look back and realize that Ellowyn has grown up too fast and then I'll wish that I was still forced to cradle her in my arms and hold her to my breast for 20 solid minutes a dozen times a day.  There are certainly moments when I feel that way about Mira.

Mira's Balance Bike

I decided a while back that I wanted Mira to have a balance bike (also called a pre-bike or a running bike) rather than one of the more traditional options of 1) a tricycle or 2) a bike with training wheels.  A balance bike seems to me like a smarter option for so many reasons.  It is much easier for little ones to control and more intuitive to use.  It also facilitates learning to balance much more than a trike or training wheels.

We gave Mira her balance bike for her second birthday, which is a little on the young end, but still she took to it so quickly.  I was so pleased.  Here's a video of her first bike ride ever.  She had a little trouble figuring out how to mount it, but once she was positioned on it, she knew instinctively what to do.



These next videos were taken a little over a month later.  You can see, she's really getting the hang of it: the position of her hands on the handlebars is more natural, her steering is much better, and she's willing to sit on the seat, which shows that she's starting to trust the bike.





Since she has a more cautious nature, this bike is perfect for her because she can really feel completely in control the entire time.  She's small, but the bike is so lightweight that even she can maneuver it on her own.  Also, the seat and handlebars are very adjustable, able to accommodate kids as small as Mira all the way up to 5-year-olds.  Anyway, Mira really likes her bike.  Soon I'm sure she'll discover that she can pick up her feet on the downhill and then she'll really take off.

Mira's IRC Fan-club

14:48 <@x^NamShub> Laura Drake
14:48 <@x^NamShub> While driving in the car today, Mira said, "Run people over, Mommy." I swear. You can't make this stuff up.
14:48 <@x^NamShub> Teehee!!!
14:49 < aramith> lolz
14:49 < aramith> mira is going to be such a smartass and/or sociopath
14:51 <@x^NamShub> These are both good options.
14:53 < aramith> YES THEY ARE
15:08 < Drakewolf> OMG I LOVE MY DAUGHTER
15:08 < aramith> Drakewolf: i was quite entertained by her when i visited
15:12 < aramith> especially since the first word i heard her say was "SHIT"*
15:15 < Drakewolf> aramith: Today at lunch, the hostess informed my wife that she was pointing staff members
                   toward our table to go see the "Cutest little girl" (re Mira)
15:15 <@clarkk> Mira FTW!
15:16 < aramith> heh
15:16 < aramith> she's cute, until she KILLS YOU
15:16 < aramith> AND THEN EATS YOUR SOUL (while feeding parts of it to anyone around)
15:16 < Drakewolf> aramith: with the epic eyelashes... of doom

* A disclaimer to clarify my parenting acumen: she was saying "SIT" imperiously and was mis-heard by the visitor who didn't understand sub-2year-toddler-speak.  

Ellowyn's first smiles

In the past week or two, Ellowyn has really started smiling a lot.  And it's clearly in response to an external stimulus.  She likes it when we talk to her, tickle her, make faces at her.  

She also finds whistling to be pretty funny.  I was whistling at her while I took these pictures. 

My uterus has had enough.

So, as many of you know, I've been on bed rest for the last month for a pretty severe prolapse of the uterus and bladder.  I have to say... bed rest SUCKS.  I don't like feeling as though I am being babysat in my own home.  I don't like having to ask someone for everything that I need.  And I really don't like not being able to be a mom and wife in every way that I'd like to be.  It's been a very big test of my patience.

That said, I realize that I am lucky that I have a support system capable of carrying me through that.  It would have been much more difficult if I hadn't had the help of family and friends keeping us stocked with prepared meals.  My parents were especially generous, coming to stay with me every week day to help with the kids while Brian was at work.

The first two weeks or so of my bed rest went well and I felt like things were getting better down there.  But then I got sick and spent the last two weeks of my bed rest with a bad cough.  I was downing cough syrup and cough drops constantly to try to control the cough, but still the cough had a really negative effect on my prolapse, basically undoing almost all of the improvement that I had previously seen.

So when I saw my Ob/Gyn on Monday, it was no surprise to me when he told me that there was not very much improvement.  It was a little better, but not enough better.  So we discussed treatment options, which consist of a pessary or surgery... or both, as may be the case for me.  He said that he wouldn't want to recommend surgery until after my normal menses had returned because that return to normal, non-pregnant hormones helps to tighten things up in the abdomen.  So until that has happened we won't know for sure how much my body will repair itself on its own.  In the mean time, he ordered me a pessary, which I am to use during the day and take out at night.  One nice thing about that is it will provide support during the day when I'm active, so I won't have to be on bed rest any more.  And it's possible that the pessary and some more time may be all that I need to fully recover.  We will re-evaluate after my regular cycle has returned and decide at that time whether surgery is necessary.

One big issue that keeps coming up is retaining my fertility and whether I want any more children.  Surgical correction of prolapse is not recommended in women who intend to have more children.  The big reason is that a lot of the time, surgical correction involves a hysterectomy.  But also, even if a hysterectomy is avoided, pregnancy will usually ruin the surgical repairs.  And the fact of the matter is that uncorrected prolapse only gets worse with subsequent pregnancies.  So if I were to have more children, afterward I would experience worse prolapse than what I'm already dealing with... and that idea is highly disturbing to me.

So Brian and I have decided that we are done having children.  Brian has even scheduled his vasectomy.  I thought that might be a difficult decision for me to make, but really I'm quite at peace with it.  We have two beautiful daughters who are healthy and happy, and I feel very fortunate to have them.  Wouldn't you feel lucky if these were yours?

Mira's First Haircut

Mira got her first haircut!  I took her to this really cute kids' salon called Pigtails and Crewcuts.  They have barber chairs there that are shaped like automobiles.  Mira chose to sit in the airplane to get her hair cut.  She liked siting in the airplane, but then the stylist wanted to put the smock on her... That part was a little scary.  Luckily Aunt KK (my sister) was there with us cuz she put the smock on herself and modeled it for Mira.  After that, Mira decided the smock was ok.  Then the stylist pointed out the TV on the wall playing Finding Nemo.  It was all smooth sailing from there!  And at the end, they told Mira she could pick out a lollipop and a sticker... but she was too excited about the lollipop to be bothered with picking a sticker.  I was really pleased with the cut, too.  I think it looks super cute and a little sassy.  And now for the pics...

Before:

During:

After:

Reflux. Also I Rock.

It's been too long since I've blogged... There's a lot going on.

Since Ellowyn was born, she's been really spitty.  She spits up often and in great quantity.  But at first it didn't seem to be bothering her.  She was a "happy spitter", as our pediatrician put it.  But over time, she seemed to be getting more and more irritated with it.  It started with just being a 30 minute period every evening when she would be fussy.  Then 30 minutes slowly turned into an hour... then longer... then it wasn't just fussing, but screaming... then it started happening in the morning too... finally it was so bad that she'd spend an hour in the morning being fussy and then THREE hours at night fussing or even screaming.  But I had some clues about what was going on.  The big one was that whenever she'd nurse, she'd latch and then shortly after I'd let down, she'd start crying and arching away.  Also, she'd be fussy after eating and both before and after burping.  I could also hear a lot of "wet burps" whenever she'd cry.  All that indicated to me that her problems were related to her reflux.  So we got in to see the pediatrician and he agreed with my assessment: her tummy was producing too much acid, causing her to have painful heartburn during and after eating.  So he prescribed Zantac.  Well... we got Ellowyn on the Zantac and it's like I have my baby back.  For a few days there she was abducted by a screaming monster but now she's back and it's wonderful.  I am so pleased with how well the reflux meds are working.  I was actually gloating to Brian the other night: "I am such an awesome mommy.  Ellowyn was having trouble with reflux and I figured it out and now problem solved.  How cool am I?"  And really, that's the best feeling a mom can have: something is wrong and mommy fixes it and then everyone is happier because of mommy.  

Also, last weekend we gave Ellowyn her first bottle.  (See pics below.)  She took it really well.  Her second bottle (the next day) she only drank half of and then wanted to nurse.  So maybe it will take her some adjusting, but we wanted to wait to introduce a bottle in order to make sure that breastfeeding was really well established.  And it is.  So that's good.

And I can't believe how beautiful Mira is getting....  Isn't she gorgeous?

Here's how we're doing....

Ellowyn is great.  At risk of getting punched in the face by all my friends who have had difficult babies, I'm going to go ahead and say: I think we won the baby lottery again.  She is a great sleeper, a great nurser, and she is generally happy and easy.  She naps a lot during the day and at night she sleeps well, usually one long 4 hour stretch followed by two shorter two hour stretches.  And when she is up at night, she just nurses and goes right back down easily.  I sometimes don't even have to wait for her to fall asleep before I set her down, she'll often drift off on her own.  I freely admit that I must be the luckiest mom alive.

So now for the less good part.  I have been diagnosed with a prolapse of both the uterus and the bladder.  It is every bit as disturbing as it sounds.  Last week is when the problem started and I saw my Ob/Gyn about it immediately.  In addition to prescribing lots of water and frequent Kegel exercises, he put me on bed rest for a month, saying that it's possible that the problem could correct itself given adequate time to recover from pregnancy and delivery.  I'm supposed to stay sitting, reclined or laying down as much as possible and avoid heavy lifting, which means I'm not supposed to pick up Mira.  As you can imagine, this is not the easiest prescription to follow.  Brian was still on paternity leave for the first week of my bed rest and he was wonderful, doing all of my tasks with Mira and all of my chores in addition to his own.  By the time he went back to work, he was so ready for a break.  My family has been a big help ever since Brian went back to work.  My parents are taking family medical leave to help me during the day and my sister is helping on the evenings and weekends when she can (she's still in high school, so daytime assistance is not an option for her).  I don't know how I would manage without them.  Because of my lifting requirements, I can't put Mira in or out of her booster chair, her crib, her carseat.  And the bed rest means that I can't really play with her the way  I normally would.  Mira's actually had a much harder time adjusting to me being on bed rest than she had to being a sister.  I've also had a lot of help from friends in the form of prepared meals.  Which has been really nice because it means less dishes and cooking for Brian.  I'm very lucky to have so many people around willing to help.

I've got 3 more weeks of bed rest, then my doctor wants to see me back to evaluate whether the prolapse is getting better or whether we need to intervene in some way.  Unfortunately, the most effective intervention is surgery, so hopefully this bed rest will pay off and I can avoid a surgery with a long recovery.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Mira is an awesome big sister.

Mira loves Ellowyn.  I've been so impressed with Mira and her willingness to not only accept Ellowyn into our family, but to show compassion and caring for her new little sister.

The first time Mira saw Ellowyn, we were still at the birth center.  And while Mira was completely enraptured by Ellowyn, I don't think she really understood that she was ours.  The second time Mira saw Ellowyn, it was at home and the first thing Mira did was to walk up to the baby, hold out her arms, and say "Hold."  (She wanted to hold the baby.)  So we put her up on the sofa, and with Brian helping provide support, we put Ellowyn in Mira's lap.  Mira watched Ellowyn, studied her, and then gently leaned down, wrapped her arms around her and gave her the sweetest little hug.  Then Mira put her hand to her mouth, kissed it, and then put it up to Ellowyn's mouth, "blowing" Ellowyn a kiss.  It was enough to bring tears to a hormonal mommy's eyes.

Mira loves to do all kinds of things with Ellowyn.  She likes to help change her diaper; I think she finds it fascinating to see all of Ellowyn's little body parts: her feet, her belly, etc...  She'll bring me the diaper supplies, watch me change her and point out Ellowyn's body parts, and when we're done she'll throw the dirty diaper away for me.  She likes to watch while I nurse Ellowyn, getting up in my lap for a closer look at what's going on.  And she talks about it: "baby eat mommy's milk" (although she still pronounces "milk" like "nupk").  She likes to take off Ellowyn's hat and brush her hair, and I actually feel comfortable letting her because she is soooo gentle.  And one time, she decided that she wanted to read a book to Ellowyn.  Here are some pics from that.

I've been really impressed by how well Mira is taking it: having to share Mommy.  Maybe it's because Brian is home from work and is able to give Mira a lot of attention right now.  But at least so far, Mira seems to be fine with the idea that Mommy has to spend a majority of her time holding the baby.  I have been trying to preemptively give Mira extra attention in order to prevent any jealous feelings on Mira's part.  When Mira comes home or enters the room, I greet her really warmly, offering hugs and asking about what she's been up to.  I talk to her a lot, especially while I'm nursing Ellowyn.  And I put Ellowyn down when at all possible in order to be able to more fully engage with Mira.  And so far, Mira has occasionally shown an immediate need for some Mommy love, but usually seems content to share Mommy with her sister.

I have also been amazed at Mira's compassion and empathy.  The first time Mira heard Ellowyn crying, she looked at me with TEARS in her eyes and said in the saddest little voice "baby cryyyy" and she nearly started crying herself.  Since then, we've talked about the reasons why babies cry and how crying is their only way to communicate.  And now she's less sensitive to it.  Now when the baby cries, she comes to me and says matter-of-factly "baby hungry".

Ellowyn's birth story

Note: This post really focuses on the specifics of my labor and delivery.  If contractions and water breaking and babies crowning is not your cup of tea, then you might just skip this one.

I started having contractions at around 8:30pm on January 11th.  Because of all the pre-labor I'd been experiencing over the last few weeks, I started out trying to just ignore it.  But by about 10pm, I had to acknowledge them, so I let Brian know that I was having some contractions that felt serious and that I'd like to try a bath.  Brian helped me draw a bath and get settled into the tub.  In the water, the contractions were less intense, but their duration and frequency didn't change.  When we timed them, they were about 3-4 minutes apart and took about 50 seconds from the start of the contraction to the peak (about another 30 seconds to come down off the peak).  It seemed like they were coming on fast, but I'd had a recent bout of pre-labor with contractions that were about that spacing, so I wasn't letting myself get my hopes up yet.  But I think Brian could tell by the way I was acting that this was going to be it.  He brought be a drink and a snack to eat in the tub while he got things ready to go.

I got out of the tub at around 11pm and laid down in bed to try to relax.  In pre-labor, relaxation after a bath often caused the contractions to lessen or stop.  But this time they felt more intense.  Brian helped me to relax my body, control my breathing, and coached me into deep relaxation.  As I laid there, I was able to analyze the qualities of the contractions and I realized that these contractions felt different than my pre-labor contractions.  During pre-labor, the contractions were tight and squeezy, like a corset around my middle.  But these felt lower, more downward in direction.  And also they were increasing in intensity and painfulness.  So around 11:30pm, I relented and told Brian he'd better make the calls.  He called my mom to come over and stay with Mira (already in bed for the night), and he called the on-call midwife to let her know that we were in labor but not yet ready to come into the birth center.  The midwife talked to him and me a bit, asked all the normal questions, listened to a few of my contractions, then told me I was coping well with my breathing and relaxation and that I was probably in the middle of active labor.  She told us to call back if the contractions got much stronger and closer, my water broke, or we decided to head into the birth center, whichever came first.

After that, the exact order of things are a little fuzzy for me.  I was having to focus fully on laboring and not much outside of that was getting my attention.  At some point, laying in my relaxation position felt no good anymore, so we moved downstairs so that I could try a sitting/reclining position.  (That's about the time that my mom arrived.)  But I pretty quickly figured out that sitting was ALL WRONG and standing was what I really needed.  Brian would stand in front of me and I'd drape my arms over his shoulders, lean on him and rock side to side.  That seemed to be the best thing.  Brian was great and had my try several different positions to try to save my energy, but nothing worked like the standing and rocking.  Somehow, he managed to be there for me to lean on in my contractions and also get the car packed in the 90 second intervals in between my contractions.  I don't know how he did it, but he must've been busting his butt.

At around 2:30am, my contractions were getting much harder to cope with and my legs were getting tired, so we went back to the bath tub to try to give me a break.  The tub did feel better mostly because I could rest my legs, but the contractions were still way strong and hard.  (In hindsight, I was entering transition.)  But because I was so exhausted, I was actually dozing off in between the contractions.  Brian must've been exhausted too, because he told me that he needed to grab some coffee and that he'd be right back.  He was probably only gone from my side for 10 minutes, but it felt like forever.  Everything was worse without him there.  I couldn't do another second without him and when he got back, I told him so.  "I need help."  "I need drugs."  "It hurts so much." These are some of the things I remember saying to him.  His response: "Time to GO."  (And he called the midwife to meet us at the birth center.)

It took some convincing to get me out of the tub; I didn't want to move because anything seemed to only make it worse.  And when I did move, I needed to do it in between contractions but because they were coming so fast, there was not much time between them in which to get moving.  So it took a while to get from the tub to the car.  But at some point along the way, I remember saying to Brian, "Umm... You're right, we need to GO."  I was feeling rectal pressure as I was moving around and knew that it wouldn't be long before I needed to push.

The car ride was thankfully brief and easy.  Brian drove smoothly and calmly but quickly.  Being 3:30 in the morning, there was no traffic and all the lights turned green for us, so we didn't even need to stop once.  We arrived at the birth center at 3:45am.  The midwife was already there and waiting for us, which was good because things moved REALLY QUICKLY from that point on.

I had one contraction while standing in my room and I told the midwife I was having rectal pressure.  She told me that she needed me to lay in the bed so she could check my cervix.  I laid down on my side (and didn't move from that position until Ellowyn was born, a mere 20 minutes later!)  She checked me and said my waters were still in tact and I was at dilated to 8 centimeters with a "VERY soft cervix".  The very next contraction, I had a strong urge to push.  I tried to fight it, knowing I was only at 8cm, but I couldn't stop myself from pushing just a little.  And as soon as I did that littlest push, I felt my waters break.  At that point my midwife said, "Now that your waters have broken, your contractions will probably get stronger and you'll dilate quickly."  All I heard was "contractions get stronger" and I got scared, so scared.  I couldn't DO any more.  I was at my limit already.  It couldn't get stronger.  And I remember saying, "No no no" and gripping desperately for Brian, who was sitting on the bed in front of me as I laid on my side.  And  just then came my next contraction and it was STRONGER and I NEEDED to get the baby out NOW.  But I still didn't think I could push.  And I was scared and it hurt and so I SCREAMED.  One scream.  That was all.  Because then that contraction ended and my midwife said "You may have just finished dilating in one contraction.  Let me check again."  Sure enough she said I could push on the next one.  I think that scream caught Brian off guard and I think that was the first time that he felt at a loss as a labor coach.  But luckily the midwife was with us now and she reminded him to coach me to put my chin on my chest and groan when pushing instead of letting me scream.

And with the next contraction we pushed.  Brian held my top leg up with one hand, held my hand with the other.  I squeezed his hand and his shoulder and he was my rock.  I needed him.  I needed him badly.  Because I WAS HAVING A BABY.  And I was FEELING EVERYTHING.  And it was hard and it hurt and it burned and it couldn't be over fast enough.  And Brian coached me to push and breathe and groan.  And did I ever groan.  I groaned so much my throat hurt afterwards.  And in two contractions her head was crowning.  And there's a reason they call that the "ring of fire", folks.  And then two more contractions and her head was out.  I expected it to feel better at that point, but it only seemed to increase the urgency in me to GET THIS BABY OUT.  So then the midwife said that the shoulders were in good alignment and on the next contraction I could push the rest of her out.  Well, good because I was going to push her out anyway, one way or another.  And then that next contraction came and I pushed so hard because I was DONE with this now, thank you anyway.  And out she came with a gush and a huge rush of relief.

We had arrived at the birth center at 3:45am and, just a handful of contractions later, Ellowyn was born at 4:16am.  Brian timed that rather well, I'd say.

Everything after that was cake.  Delivering the placenta, getting stitched up (I had a small tear as her shoulders came through), the rest of the contractions as my uterus shrunk.... all of that was nothing.  I had my baby.  I had FOUGHT for that baby and now I had her.  It was hard.  So hard.  Mira's birth was nearly 3x longer, but not nearly as difficult.  After Mira's birth, I almost felt like I cheated because the epidural removed me so much from the experience.  But not this time.  I EARNED every inch of that baby.

Ellowyn was born a healthy 8 pounds and 14 ounces (75th percentile), 21 inches long (90th percentile!!).